A thoughtful, complex, expertly woven family drama full of heart and humor. With true-to-life emotional journeys contained in a larger-than-life plot, this story is about family and forgiveness. For a sincere, warm, and funny way to spend 52 hours, go ahead and turn on my favorite drama, My Father is Strange.
Summary
My Father is Strange is about a typical family living in the city of Suwon, about an hour’s drive from Seoul. The parents, Na Young Sil and Byeon Han Soo, live with their four adult children and work in the family restaurant on the bottom level of their apartment building. Their eldest son, Byeon Joon Young (35), has taken a page out of my book and is a professional student, currently in his fifth year of studying for the civil servant exam. (As in, he has failed the exam five times.) Second child Byeon Hye Young (34) is an accomplished, headstrong lawyer. The third child, sweet Byeon Mi Young, is a new intern at an entertainment company where she has stumbled into her childhood bully, and the youngest, Byeon Ra Young, is a yoga instructor who’s barely able to fund her shopaholic tendencies. Unbeknownst to this busy but happy family, a young, temperamental actor in South Korea named Ahn Joong Hee (36) has been searching for his birth-father: Byeon Han Soo, the family patriarch.
Spoilers ahead!
This show is amazing! It’s difficult to know where to begin when you have so many little things to say. “I liked this! and this! and this!” But let’s begin.
What I Loved
Character Growth
Father is Strange is unique as both a K-drama and a story because of its complete lack of black-and-white villains. In fact, there are no villains. This drama displayed a relentless dedication to redeeming every single character. Its most difficult, unlikeable characters have drastically matured by the end, and they have done so in a way that was natural, sympathetic, and humorous. Every character is humbled, made a bit of a fool of, and then they come out the other way better for it. I’m really intrigued by writer Lee Jung Sun, who I imagine is both very good-natured and very sharp. There’s a sensitivity in her writing for the most annoying kinds of people. She shows them at their most ridiculous, laughs at them, and then makes you feel sorry for laughing.
There are four characters in particular who change a lot over the course of the show, and their personal journeys are all very different: Byeon Hye Young, Ahn Joong Hee, Kim Yoo Joo, and Oh Bok Nyo (Cha Jeong Hwan’s mother). For now, I want to focus on Kim Yoo Joo, Joon Young’s girlfriend, because she has a very classic redemption arc.
We first meet Kim Yoo Joo through the eyes of Mi Young, who recognizes her immediately as her high-school bully. In the present day, Mi Young is now an intern and Yoo Joo is one of her superiors- a nightmare situation which instantly makes Mi Young miserable. When Yoo Joo recognizes who Mi Young is, she is first somewhat friendly, but after clocking Mi Young’s avoidant behavior, she’s a bit incensed and quickly resumes her former habit of bullying via public humiliation.
Unbeknownst to both women, Kim Yoo Joo has recently started dating Mi Young’s brother, Joon Young- and she’s pregnant!
First off- this is such a good set up. I just want to appreciate the storytelling here! For one thing, unlike most drama bullies, Kim Yoo Joo cannot be gotten rid of. She has to be reckoned with- she’s pregnant with a protagonist’s baby! She can’t be shamed into quitting and then disappear into the ether; she’s here to stay! This makes her character unusual from the typical bully trope. Bully characters are, generally, inconsequential as soon as they stop bullying. All that matters is the bullying stops, and then who cares about the person? But it’s different with Kim Yoo Joo. She’s entering Mi Young’s family. Even when the bullying stops, there is still work to be done. You can stop caring about a school bully, because you don’t have to see them, or talk to them, or think about them anymore- but this is not the case with family. You have to actually deal with the problems.
This is what happens with Kim Yoo Joo. After she is introduced formally to Joon Young’s family, she immediately begins trying to treat Mi Young differently, as though they can suddenly act like friends or sisters. (In truth, Yoo Joo is a bit anxious that this darker side to her behavior not be revealed.) But Mi Young, who for all her faults is undoubtedly sincere, is not having it. She can’t act friendly towards Yoo Joo. She can’t be chatty with her or greet her or smile at her, because she hasn’t forgiven her. She needs an apology.
This apology (a sincere one) doesn’t come until much later in the series, after Yoo Joo has experienced some hardships. She has a difficult pregnancy, which is exploited by her coworkers as an opportunity to push her out of her hard-earned position. In an effort to hold onto it and not let pregnancy disqualify her, she ignores everyone’s advice, including her family, husband, and doctors, and pushes full-steam ahead throwing herself into work: taking on projects, pulling all-nighters, and canceling doctor’s appointments to not miss meetings. She receives warning after warning after warning, but she is determined to hold onto her position. And then she miscarries the baby!
This is hard, and it slows Yoo Joo down, a bit. But it doesn’t really hit her until shortly after, when the same coworker who had tried to exploit Yoo Joo’s pregnancy becomes pregnant herself, and promptly decides to take an extended break from work. As she explains to Yoo Joo, she loves her job and doesn’t want to lose it, but she wants to take responsibility. She wants to take care of her baby. This stark contrast to her own behavior hits Yoo Joo quite hard.
By the final quarter of the series, after Yoo-Joo runs into some former classmates who reminisce about their high-school days (including their tormenting of poor Mi Young), we’ve finally reached a point where Yoo Joo can reflect back on her life and think, “What have I done? Why did I do that?” She is a much softer, humbler person than when we first met her. And this is when Mi Young finally gets a sincere apology. It’s beautifully done. It makes sense, it’s natural, it’s believable, and it’s touching- it checks all the boxes. And just like that, it fixes everything. It’s amazing how much hurt can be wiped away by one real, sincere apology.
Oh Bok Nyo (Mother-in-Law)
This woman was by far the tropiest and most frustrating character in the cast. She is headstrong, unwilling to accept criticism, prideful, materialistic, and whiny. She is also perfectly acted by actress Song Ok Sook (who I’ve since found out has a Master’s degree and is a full-time professor- WOW she’s a good actress!).
Me and my mom watched Father is Strange together, and we were both in agreement that this was woman was very scary, because of her near complete inability to listen to reason. Knowing that you can’t reason with a person is scary! There’s just something unsettling about it. But I admire her consistent characterization. She is unreasonable and difficult, but also very loving, always attempting to reach her family, and always willing to talk. Aren’t there worse things in life than an annoying, unreasonable person who always loves you, will always talk with you, and will always put up with all your complaints and grumpiness?
As soon as Hye Young enters the family, Bok Nyo changes towards her. Instantly she tries to make friends with Hye Young. She drags her along on shopping trips, cooks with her, and tries to chat with her. There are no longer any attempts to finagle Hye Young out of her life; she just wants to be friends. As she herself says in a monologue, she’s quite lonely! There is something very endearing about her, despite all her flaws. I think this mix of vulnerable, obtuse, and perhaps dim-wittedness was perfectly portrayed by Song Ok Sook, who probably has nothing in common with this woman.
Her character growth in the show was more specific than general. She learns to accept Hye Young and her family, and becomes kinder and more accepting of their more humble means. She grows to value Hye Young as a daughter-in-law, whom she not only tolerates, but highly prizes.
Rapid-fire Pacing
This begins to wane around the episode-35 mark (which I’ll touch on later), but for over double the amount of time that typical dramas run, Father is Strange managed to keep you on your toes, screaming at the screen, and reaching for the next episode. How often does that happen?
The Father (Byeon Han Soo/ Lee Yoon Seok)
I’ll never see actor Kim Yeong Cheol as anything but a loving father. Apparently, he typically plays villains. I will never see those dramas. NEVER!!
I was thinking the other day that the father in Father is Strange “images” God. He reflects God through his steadfastness, and his patience, and his unconditional love. He is always kind, always loving, and takes all the abuse that wounded Joong Hee flings on him, just like our heavenly father would. He takes all the abuse that we throw at him, and he’s still there with open arms.
Anyway, I love this character. And side note, I love the way he interacts with people. He’s pretty consistently characterized throughout the show as not being good with words- he has no ability to explain or defend himself, and he struggles to verbalize his feelings. But what he lacks verbally, he makes up for with pure warmth and sincerity. I actually think he’s a great role model. Even if you lack that special knack of being able to put people at ease, you can be sincere and warm; those are traits anyone can manage to have. The result is that even if you aren’t having remarkable conversations, you are at the very least making people feel liked and wanted, and that is really all you need to do.
Me and my mom both remarked that the Father’s acting in this show was so immersive, we lost all sense that he was acting at all- I truly can’t imagine him in any other role. I think him, Song Ok Sook, and Lee Joon (Ahn Joong Hee) were really outstanding in their roles.
Happy Endings for All
I only like happy endings that are earned, and I do have to say- I don’t think they were all earned here! But, for the most part, you have to love a show that ties everything nicely together and leaves everyone happier than where they started. There’s enough sadness in the real world. Russel T. Davies, the British screenwriter, had something interesting to say about this:
“I especially like writing happy endings, actually, because in the real world they don’t exist. There’s no love story that lasts, because one of them dies first. I think when people start striving for realism, when they start defining tragedy… [as] good drama, I tend to think ‘Well that’s how the real world works, the real world takes care of that for you’. If it’s an artificial world that you’re shaping, you can actually push it into a happy ending, because life won’t do it for you.”
Russel T. Davies
I go back and forth on the extent to which I agree with this, but I think he’s onto something nonetheless.
Favorite Scenes
Kim Yoo Joo’s Apologies
I think the comparison between her first and final apology is pretty cool. In the first apology, Mi Young had just been unfriendly to Yoo Joo in front of her brother, and Yoo Joo caught up with her alone to confront her.
Yoo Joo: “You. Are you doing this because I didn’t apologize? Do you really insist on getting an apology for something that’s in the past? [laughs] Fine. I’m sorry. Satisfied?.. You were like this in high school, and you’re still like this now, pouting. In any case, I clearly apologized. I’m going now, because Joon Young is waiting.”
Mi Young: “You call this an apology? With that manner and attitude? You still don’t have a clue what you did wrong, do you?”
Yoo Joo: “Then what more do you want? I apologized because you told me to! Do you really want me to get on my knees?”
Mi Young: “Yeah. Kneel.”
Yoo Joo: “Are you crazy? Why should I kneel to you? Do you think you didn’t do anything wrong?”
Mi Young: “I’m still a joke to you, aren’t I? I’m sure I told you before. I’m not the same Byeon Mi Young as before. Think about it carefully- what you did wrong. And then after that, come back and apologize properly. If you really love my brother. This is the most I can give in to you. And this is your last chance.”
Yoo Joo: “You really do have a victim mentality. Do what you want. I clearly apologized.”
Yeah. Kneel. WHEW! My mom thought Mi Young asking her to kneel was a little extravagant, but I didn’t- I totally get it. I know exactly how it is to feel that wronged. Yoo Joo later gives her a better apology (“I was sad and resented you, I was having a hard time, I shouldn’t have done it, please don’t tell your brother!”) but the real apology doesn’t come till nearly 30 episodes later, after some former classmates have come by and harassed Mi Young:
Yoo Joo: “I’m sorry. [A beat] I did wrong. I don’t even know if I have the right to apologize.. I’m sorry.. I finally realized after the classmates came by, just what I did to you. What a shameful and mean girl I was. What I did to you.. how harsh and terrible it was. This is a lie, too. Actually I knew it all. I knew it, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I’m sorry.”
Mi Young: “Do you remember? You said I smelled like a pig, when you knocked my lunchbox over. When I was changing clothes, you rolled away the curtain.”
Yoo Joo: “I’m so sorry.. I did wrong.”
Mi Young: “Then can you tell me now? Why you did that to me then?”
Yoo Joo: “I was too jealous and envious of you. My dad didn’t care whether I ate lunch or not. And my stepmother didn’t want to spare money on my lunch. But everyday you had a warm lunch delivered to you on time by your dad.. I was so envious and jealous of that. So I resented you. So even though it was bad, I took out my rage on you. I’m sorry.. really sorry.”
After Mi Young gets back to her work desk, she texts Yoo Joo, “I’ll see you at home, sister-in-law.”
Kim Yoo Joo and Byeon Joon Young’s Wedding
This episode had me in STITCHES. It also had this very cute bonding moment between Joong Hee and the siblings, when he suggests buying the girls a trip to the salon so that they can show up Yoo Joo at her own wedding:
Kim Yoo Joo’s Pregnancy and Joon Young Manning Up
This is less a scene and more an arc. I loved the way Yoo Joo’s pregnancy was handled to bring out Joon Young’s cowardly tendencies and humanize Yoo Joo. The second we realized that she genuinely loved Joon Young, Oto-san Sushi Restaurant or not, she became a bit likeable. Father is Strange does an extraordinary job at showing the endearing sides of those least likeable members of our lives. She loves a guy who has, essentially, nothing to offer her. She loves him anyway! It’s endearing.
In terms of storytelling technique, I think this arc was written perfectly. I really think this was the best sub-plot in the show.
Mi Young Yelling at God
I thought this was cute. She says:
“It’s heavy enough that I have to deal with the fact that Kim Yoo Joo is my brother’s girlfriend. Now, Actor Ahn-nim is my father’s son? Aren’t you being unfair to me? I think you’re overestimating me! I’m not that strong, you know!”
Tell him! He won’t hold it against you.
What I Didn’t Love
Father is Strange did so much right. But it did its most important arc wrong. Ugh! This had both me and my mom screaming at the screen for nights on end. It almost ruined the show for me.
Ahn Joong Hee’s Reconciliation with the Family
Hopefully you aren’t reading this far if you haven’t seen this show already. You already know what happened- Ahn Joong Hee thinks he has found his birth father, when in reality, he’s found the man who took over his birth father’s identity when his father died. This arc is really the main plot of the show, and we can divide the show into 5 parts:
- Joong Hee meets and rejects Dad;
- Joong Hee is rejected by the family;
- Joong Hee is accepted by the family;
- Joong Hee realizes he’s been FOOLED and he’s not actually part of the family,
and, finally,
5. Joong Hee forgives them and is reconciled with the family.
It was number 5. Number 5 was done wrong. This MOST ESSENTIAL part of the arc was done VERY BADLY!!!!!! How cruel to do all the parts so right, and then botch the ending!
This was the happy ending that was not earned. Joong Hee forgives the parents- and he shouldn’t have. He was given no reason to. And all he needed was some kind of reassurance.
Episode after episode, my mom and I were screaming at the TV, “TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM! SAY YOU MISS HIM!” Joong Hee would rage at the father, saying things like, “Was it fun, fooling me? Pretending that you cared about me?” and the father would say.. nothing! NOTHING! Man! Here Joong Hee was, voicing his worst fears, and getting NO reassurance in response. And then he forgives them? Why?
It was just shameful that Joong Hee, who was the victim in this situation, had to self-soothe and come to peace about this by himself. He wasn’t helped by the perpetrators. Where is the justice in this situation?? Why does the victim have to convince himself of their affections? Shouldn’t they be the ones convincing him? SHAMEFUL!!! It makes me mad just thinking about it.
The parents never got how they had wronged Joong Hee. They spent the entire final quarter feeling so sorry that they had stolen his father’s identity that they wouldn’t even speak to him. If this arc had been written better, they would eventually have realized that Joong Hee wasn’t upset about the identity theft (even though that wasn’t good). He was upset about the loss of the relationship. He was upset that the relationship he’d developed with the father wasn’t real.
That was where he needed reassurance. And as a viewer- I needed that reassurance too. I’ve been ROBBED!
Joong Hee later says that he knows full well that Dad was always sincere towards him. That’s nice. It’s really nice that Joong Hee can mind read. It would’ve been much nicer if Dad had actually said it himself.
Also- sincere, how? Sincerely cared for you as a son? Or sincerely felt sorry towards you? These are enormously different. Obviously, Joong Hee longs for one of these more than the other. Why on earth didn’t they give him reassurance?
Ahn Joong Hee is a great character. He begins as very spoiled and insufferable, and entering the family brings out the very best in him. He goes from a haughty celebrity to a vulnerable, lonely boy. The best part of the show was watching him gain a family. So, to take that family away from him in the last stretch, and to not give it back to him in a way that felt believable or made sense, was tragic. They fumbled the ending. The reconciliation between Joong Hee and the family did not work, for me.
It was also not helped by the next thing I disliked in the show:
Mi Young and Mom’s Blank Empty Stares
Mi Young began as my favorite member of the family, and by the end of the show, she was my least favorite character in the entire CAST! She drove me nuts with her 24/7 sullen expressions and complete refusal to communicate or say what she was thinking, EVER! Even when her and Joong Hee begin dating, she’s still not telling him how she feels, texting him back, or even letting herself smile at him. Just so frustrating.
I didn’t love the rushed proposal at the end between them. At that point, I didn’t know what he saw in her anymore. I had just spent the last 15 episodes SO DONE WITH HER!
Mom was not much better. I don’t know if this actress was given great direction on how her character was supposed to feel about Joong Hee- you were supposed to feel sorry towards him, not HATE him! How come she always looked like THIS when he entered the room?
I was already quite sore that the parents weren’t telling Joong Hee that they loved or even liked him- so this DIDN’T HELP!
As much as this made the characters irritating to watch, it also made the story hard to believe. How often in real life do people go radio silent during a heated conflict? If you’re being accused of something, you instinctively want to defend yourself. The fact that these characters were going silent when a response was most needed and crucial, was just.. ridiculous! There’s really no good excuse for it. Dad also did this, but because struggling to verbalize his thoughts was part of his characterization, I forgive him for it. Mom and Mi Young, you’re not excused!
Lagging Pacing
This began around the time that Hye Young and Jeong Hwan were trying to get married, but it kicked in in earnest when the media found out Joong Hee was living with his recently found birth-father, which was around the episode 32-mark. From this point on, every conflict is stretched out, the communication issues kick into full gear, and characters become more stubborn and less reasonable. The arc with Joong Hee discovering his family is not his family was so painful. Conflicts were contrived to stretch out for multiple episodes by utilizing this very handy plot device called “making your characters mute.” Are they having an argument with someone? They don’t need to respond right now. They can respond later in a different conversation. Perfect.
Here were the arcs that I thought could have been pared down:
- Mi Young’s acceptance of Joong Hee into the family
- Hye Young and Jeong Hwan’s families accepting their marriage
- Joong Hee’s realization that his “father” is not his father
All in all, considering this is a 52-episode drama, that’s not very much.
Special Mentions
Byeon Ra Young
She was definitely the least invested in sibling, but she really became one of my favorites over time. Ra Young began to shine when she thought love-interest Park Cheol Soo was gay- it brought out the noble in her, because she became very protective of her friend.
As the show became more angsty, I found her scenes with Cheol Soo and his father a nice reprieve from all the Sad.
Hye Young and Jeong Hwan
They were cute! It’s cool and rare to have a romantic subplot about a couple that is (for the most part) together from start to finish, and not in the will-they-won’t-they stage.
The In-Laws Marriage
I loved this! I liked Oh Bok Nyo from the beginning and found her husband quite cruel and dismissive of her, but over time, it became clear why he would act that way. He was the ‘reasonable one’ of the marriage. But he was mean. She was unreasonable and difficult but quite devoted. They both had some growing to do, and they did. I really liked this. If more time had been devoted to this arc and less to Mom and Dad stonewalling Joong Hee, it could have been done even better.
Joon Young and Uncle’s Relationship
Loved the friendship between these two. And it made sense within the story considering they were only about 13 years apart in age (if I remember correctly).
Joong Hee’s Chosen Outfit for Meeting the Family
He was so proud of himself too.
Mi Young’s Face when Ahn Joong Hee was introduced to the Family
Props to Jung So Min for truly giving us a visual for the word dumbfounded.
Final Thoughts
This is a special drama. With the exception of Joong Hee getting the affirmation he deserved from Dad and Mom, this show hit every emotional note it needed to. This is a drama after my own heart. The long redemption arc with Kim Yoo Joo and the arc of Joong Hee becoming a member of the family, and having a relationship with Dad, were the plots that really resonated with me, but I thought every sub plot in this show was special. It was all good. After over a decade of watching K-dramas, I’ve finally found one that I really don’t think will ever be beat! I could’ve watched 100 episodes of these characters, in the hands of writer Lee Jung Sun. (On a serious note.. I’ve been trying to see if I can send her fan-mail. SERIOUSLY!)
There are a few philosophies displayed in this show that are really special to me:
- Every bad thing must be redeemed. (As in, there is always some good that comes out of suffering. Because Dad stole his friend’s identity, Joong Hee become a part of his life. Because Yoo Joo had a miscarriage, she became a softer and kinder person. Oh Bok Nyo gets a daughter-in-law she despises, but this daughter-in-law ends up being instrumental in the repairing of her own marriage.)
- Reconciliation and forgiveness is the best way.
- Happy endings only.
This is a very special show, in a category of its own. Because it is so wonderful I can forgive its flaws. A+ from me, for touching my heart, and A+ for being outstanding in every way.
A+/A+
What did you think of My Father is Strange?
Philosodrama 
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