OH! THE PAIN! This drama could and should have been great. It could have been the best. I was very prepared for it to be. But what should have been 10 episodes needed to stretch itself to 16, and I think that’s where it ended up losing itself. Show slowly limped to an ending that, while happy, was completely unsatisfying and anti-climactic. And it could have been the BEST! The BEST, I tell you!!! I will never get over this disappointment.
Summary
This drama has a pretty complicated premise with several story-lines that are woven together multiple episodes in, so I will summarize with the most foundational plot that the show operates on: Mom and Dad’s marriage.
Our Family:
Mom, Lee Jin-Sook, and Dad, Kim Sang-Sik, have been married nearly four decades and have three adult children: oldest daughter Kim Eun-Ju (who is married to her successful doctor-husband Yun Tae-Hyeong), middle child Kim Eun-Hee, and youngest son Kim Ji-Wu.
The children are mostly polite but far from close. Eun-Ju and Eun-Hee, the daughters, haven’t spoken nor seen each other in five years since they had a falling-out. Ji-Wu has secretly taken up a job working with one of Eun-Hee’s former close friends, Park Chan-Hyuk (whom she also hasn’t spoken to for five years).
And aside, perhaps, from Eun-Ju and her father, who have an affectionate relationship, none of the kids are particularly close to their parents.
Not only as a family, but also individually, they have problems: Eun-Ju and her husband are strained and distant, and Eun-Hee begins an inappropriate relationship with the Vice President of her publishing company. Mom and Dad barely speak to one another except to yell or complain; she spends her days cooking and cleaning in quiet frustration, and he spends every chance he gets hiking Korea’s various mountains (seriously!).
One day, Mom calls the whole family together for a family meeting (except for Dad, who has gone on a hiking trip). She announces, to their shock, that she wants a divorce- or more specifically, a ‘marriage graduation’: essentially, a separation. This revelation, followed by a severe accident wiping out years of memory in Dad, sends shock-waves through the little family, beginning a series of events which unravel the secrets keeping them apart.
Spoilers Ahead~
This is a story about a family. It is a story about forgiveness, and love, and healing, and redemption. It is, in every way, a premise I love. And I’ll just go ahead and spoil the whole of it- it has a happy ending. In almost every possible way, it ends happily (the only exception being Eun-Ju’s marriage). Now, I am a Happy-Endings-Only kind of girl. The only un-happy ending that is acceptable is the one found in the film Vanilla Sky starring Tom Cruise. And that’s it. Happy endings ONLY!
This drama has a happy ending. So why did it go so wrong? The Premise was good. The Ending was good (as in, resolved and happy). So what happened?
It was….. the execution. The Execution was so muddled.
My thoughts on this are jumbled (and also, angry), so I think the best way to discuss this drama is topically, rather than as a whole. Also, I have to say… I have so much disappointment in this drama because I LOVED this drama. Episodes 1-8 are solid gold to me. It wasn’t until Episode 11 that I finally began to accept that this show wasn’t going to be what I wanted it to be, for various reasons that I’ll discuss. Still, I stuck through to the end, and I am a notorious Drama Dropper. But for any My Unfamiliar Family lovers out there, I want you to know– I understand! I understand completely the charm and draw and emotions that made you love it. Take this angry review as a letter from a jilted lover. I was wooed and romanced, and promised a future that didn’t come to be.. Maybe Show didn’t lie to me about where we were going, but it sure did disappoint me on every path it took to get there.
Unexplained Story-lines: Eun-Hee and VP Im Gun-Joo
First of all, this romance was badly handled, but aside from the obvious moral issues– why on EARTH did Gun-Joo lie to Eun-Hee and tell her that he was still in a relationship? This is NEVER EXPLAINED.
In case you don’t know what I’m talking about– Eun-Hee was cheated on five years previously in the story by her then-boyfriend of 9 years. In the present, soon after she meets (and sleeps with) her Vice-President Im Gun-Joo, the VP tells her that he has a girlfriend. Of 9 years. Who he just cheated on (with Eun-Hee). Oh, but he wants to continue seeing her. And he isn’t ready to break up with his girlfriend yet.
Which- okay. You’re creating a moral quandary for female protagonist. Good! Put her to the test! Except she totally FAILS and says, “You know what? I’m gonna do what -I- want for a change!” and continues dating VP. Wow, what a girl boss, I guess?
This still could’ve been good, if one of several options occurred. Some good ones that spring to mind are, 1. Eun-Hee comes to her senses (“What am I doing!”), or, 2. Eun-Hee faces consequences for her actions (“What are you doing?”). Neither of these happen. What happens is, Gun-Joo reveals to Eun-Hee suddenly after his “girlfriend” shows up, that they aren’t actually dating. They broke up months ago. So actually, he isn’t cheating on her.
Um.. HUH?
So, BOOM, there goes moral quandary, there goes any meaning to Eun-Hee’s actions for the past few episodes, there goes any point to any of the angst that this fake scenario stirred up.
ALL I CAN POSSIBLY THINK OF to explain this, is that the writers saw there was a lot of backlash among fans to Eun-Hee’s (thoughtless, selfish, wrong) choice to enable a cheater, so they said, “Whoops! Don’t worry! She actually hasn’t been doing anything wrong at all!” and retroactively tried to wipe out that whole story-line.
But even after this revelation, Eun-Hee breaks up with him anyway (for some reason). It’s not really explained. By this point, Eun-Hee had already descended into constant nonsensical navel-gazing and it’s extremely difficult to know what she’s talking about whenever she discusses her feelings (more on this later).
After this point, though VP remains a character, he’s pretty much pointless to the plot. Side note: Did anyone else expect this guy to become a full-blown stalker? He talked to Eun-Hee anonymously for over a year, moved across the world to make a move on her, stayed pretty persistent even after being dumped, etc. I FULLY expected him to retain his usefulness to the plot by going insane and trying to kidnap her or something. Seriously! It would’ve been a little too unhinged so I’m glad it didn’t happen, but for a little while there I truly thought Show was gonna take us for a wild ride.
Unexplained Story-line 2: Chan-Hyuk and Eun-Ju
So, when did Chan-Hyuk stop liking Eun-Ju? Or, did he never actually like her? Show kind of teases you with different revelations to make you think Chan-Hyuk is still hung up on Eun-Hee’s sister, which is fine.. I was just kind of confused about when these feelings ended? It’s also unclear whether he had a crush on Eun-Hee back in the day, or Eun-Ju. (The answer seems to be: both. Which I find icky. Lol.)
By the time Show decided that Eun-Hee was the person he truly had feelings for, they’d already lost me. I was still stuck three scenes back where he acted like a bashful schoolboy in Eun-Ju’s presence. What changed?? All I can think of is one scene where Chan-Hyuk tells Eun-Hee, “Everyone I care about in your family, I care about because of you. Because they are related to you.” (Or something along those lines.) That scene appeared to be the pivot point, because there’s no more schoolboy crush scenes after this. But, is that Show’s way of saying he never actually had a crush on Eun-Ju? I just needed more explanation.. That story-line felt very dropped to me.
Unexplained Story-line 3: Seo-Young and Chan-Hyuk
This was just another dropped story-line. We know Seo-Young was assaulted by her rich ex-boyfriend and that Chan-Hyuk was there for her in some way, and also that Chan-Hyuk has some kind of connection with Seo-Young’s mother.. but that’s it. We don’t know how he knows her, how he helped her out, what exactly happened, etc. Seeds for a plot point were planted but then abandoned.
Pacing Issues: Mom and Dad
(Russel T Davies, the British screenwriter best known for reviving Doctor Who in 2005, once said of screenwriting, “You put a man and a woman together, and you have a romance.” This shot reminds me of that quote. Interestingly, Davies is a very openly gay man, which I think is a testament to the power of this imagery.)
I love Mom and Dad and I love that they got back together. But I love it because of the groundwork that was done with the characters, not really because of the execution of their Autumn Romance. I can’t quite put my finger on it; I just know it could’ve been better. There was something about the pacing of it that stretched my patience, and the reward was not rewarding enough considering all the pain we endured. A girl can only cry so much! (Seriously. There was So. Much. Crying. On my end, I mean.)
The fact that I wanted it so bad, and felt for them so much, and yet still was underwhelmed by their reunion, I believe speaks to the fact that the writers lost their timing. It was also written really anticlimactically. Mom is holding out, and holding out, and holding out, and then suddenly they’re going on a few dates. Am I alone in thinking this should have been presented a little more.. monumentally? I mean, she wasn’t giving him an INCH! Now all of a sudden she’s going on dates with him? This should be a really big deal! But it’s not exactly presented that way.
So it’s kind of ho-hum. You think to yourself, Okay. Well, it’s nice to see Mom smile again.. And then Dad has a brain-tumor attack. Well, shoot! Their relationship progresses from there, but there is NO tension, because there’s no longer any doubt about whether or not they’ll get back together. I can’t help but feel they could’ve written a more pivotal I’ll give him another chance moment for Mom. This story-line deserved it! Their emotional journeys (particularly Mom’s) deserved a little more focus. There’s almost no insight given into Mom’s thoughts at all! We see that she’s starting to date him, but we don’t hear her reasoning why, and it’s such a shame. This could’ve been really fantastic, and I consider it almost wasted. The Dad-Collapse cliffhanger was also very annoying to me, because it pivoted the tension from Mom and Dad’s relationship to Dad’s health. Dang it! We didn’t need any collapse! Have you no faith in the plots you’ve constructed at all? Mom and Dad getting back together should be compelling enough! That’s where the time investment should have been, rather than a pointless fake-out death.
I just think the work here wasn’t done. I needed a little more leg-work in telling me why these two were getting together again! Yes, I know they continue dating for the rest of the series, but this was the time where the will they?/won’t they? should’ve been at its peak. This should’ve mattered! This should’ve been monumental! Instead, it was treated without any sensitivity. In a storytelling sense, I just think this was so badly done. This drama is a sad masterclass in how to take beautiful, thought-provoking material and drive it into utter mediocrity. So many story-lines rife with potential, and mishandled so badly.
Pacing Issues: Chan-Hyuk and Eun-Hee
I wrote in my notes, “Eun-Hee and Chan-Hyuk’s conversations are the worst.” I didn’t love these two, and I think that in some measure is because I really lost respect for Eun-Hee after she agreed to help VP cheat. (Even though, it turns out, he wasn’t cheating at all? Whatever.) I was drawn to her immediately as she is very sincere and good-natured and likeable. But a lot of her decisions were mystifying to me and her constant philosophizing made me want to pull my hair out. And I call MYSELF the philosophizing idiot! But, unfortunately, most of her bizarre reflections were made during her one-sided conversations with Chan-Hyuk, which left me with a pretty bad taste whenever they talked.
It’s worth saying, I rooted for them initially. But after a dozen or so monologues where one of them says to the other, “We’ll always be friends. We’ll neeeeever be more than friends,” or, “I tell you about my love life because I only want us to be friends,” or, “I used to like you, but then I decided we could only be friends,” ummm, I dunno, I kind of LOST INTEREST! It was ridiculous! Will they/won’t they doesn’t work when the CHARACTERS themselves are asking it, or at least when they’re asking it THAT MUCH! I blame the writing for their strange dynamic, because I think their chemistry was fine.
I also didn’t like the rewriting of history when Eun-Hee tells Chan-Hyuk she’d only told him about her one-night stand with VP because she was trying to “ensure” he’d stay in the friend-zone. Uh, I don’t think so. I think it’s because you wanted someone to talk to, which is a perfectly fine reason. Why’d they feel the need to add this extra layer of complex machinations to Eun-Hee? It was just so weird. All their conversations ended up being so weird. At some point I found myself wondering, why are these two even FRIENDS?! Is Chan-Hyuk really getting anything out of this friendship? She gets to say whatever inane thought pops into her brain, and he gets to, uh, listen? What a pairing.
On the plus side, I thought Chan-Hyuk’s suave confession to her was very cool and a great moment. Context: He finally tells Eun-Hee something about himself for the first time EVER, and later as she’s in her car preparing to leave, he goes up to the drivers’ side window and says that he promised himself he would only tell that story to the person he’d spend the rest of his life with, her. (This is in reference to something she’d said earlier, that they’d be friends for the rest of their lives.) She laughs, kind of nervously, “Why are you leaving the friend part out of that, Friend?” And he goes, “What’s the point in being friends at our age?” LOL. In response to her uncertain reaction, he goes, “Fine, you can be friends with me. We’ll know each other forever anyway, I’m sure at some point you’ll get bored of it and change your mind.” And he walks away! GREAT moment! And really well done by actor Kim Ji-Seok.
Poorly Written Plot Line: Dad Thinks Mom is a Cheater Because She Underlined a Line in a Book
Also: Because she was talking to a man at Eun-Ju’s wedding who “looked the way I’d always imagined Eun-Ju’s father to look.” (!!!) I’m not kidding! That’s what he says! Dad starts treating Mom way worse after Eun-Ju’s wedding because he’s THAT convinced in his own mind that she’s reconnected with Eun-Ju’s birth father.
What really gets me.. is this story had great, believable reasons for the breakdown of the marriage that they could have drawn upon. But instead they resorted to imaginary affairs! Hear me out.
When Mom and Dad met, Mom was in a bad situation. She had been impregnated by some idiot who wasn’t willing to take responsibility and her family had kicked her out of the house. She turned to Kim Sang-Sik (Dad), a boy she’d met briefly who was crazy about her. Sang-Sik was in complete awe of Jin-Sook (Mom): she was a smart, beautiful college student, and he had no family and no education (he hadn’t even graduated middle-school). He was CRAZY about her. So when he heard about her situation, he immediately proposed… and Mom very hesitantly accepted.
This, right here, was all the fodder for the marriage breakdown they needed. They already had it! There didn’t need to be imaginary affairs. This was a one-sided relationship from the beginning: Dad was very in love with Mom, and she basically tolerated his existence to survive. We do see through flashbacks that the early years of their marriage were happy, and Mom did grow to love Dad (yay!). But even during these happy years… Mom never ONCE told him that she loved him out loud. She was so “shy” (this is how amnesiac Sang-Sik happily remembers it) that she could only write it down in notes.
Let’s be real– that’s terrible!!! That’s not good! Mom clearly had some real communication issues from Day 1. This is PERFECT FODDER for the future marriage breakdown. I wish they had used it. In the show’s defense, communication (and the problems that stem from bad communication) is a pretty recurring theme in the story. I just wish the focus had been on communication issues we can all relate to, like, “I wish I had told you more that I loved you,” and not, “I should have told you about the child I hit with my car and crippled thirty years ago who I’ve been spending all our money on.”
I will say in defense of Show, they do use Dad’s feelings of inferiority to Mom to explain why he’s so paranoid about Eun-Ju’s father. And, actually, I don’t mind that at all. That makes sense. I just wish they had made it clear that Mom also has some responsibility for the state they ended up in.
Personal Preference: I didn’t like the fake-out cliffhangers
My Unfamiliar Family utilizes cliff-hangers that are sometimes downright lies to cap off the episodes. A particularly reprehensible one that comes to mind is one that implies Eun-Hee got engaged to VP Gun-Joo. (The camera lingers on Gun-Joo somberly handling a ring box.. and then, next shot, the camera closes-up on Eun-Hee’s now-ringed finger..) This ends up not being the case, at all. Lol. It’s not even mentioned in the next episode (I forget if that ring box ever makes a return appearance). It was just a cheap way to try and find a dramatic ending.
Some other fake-out endings that I remember are:
- Dad flat-lines and DIES
- Maknae is kicked out of the house and Mom disowns the kids
- Chan-Hyuk climbs out of the car to witness Eun-Hee kissing VP (it ends up being little bro, not Chan-Hyuk, even though the ending scene literally showed Chan-Hyuk standing there)
It’s just a little ridiculous.
Kim Eun-Ju
Oh, dear. This hurts. I’ve saved the worst for last. I truly think, deep down, that if the show had written Eun-Ju’s arc differently, I would have forgiven everything else. This was my biggest disappointment. To give the long and short of it, I really thought Eun-Ju was being set up for an awesome redemption arc, and she wasn’t. And it really disappointed me.
Eun-Ju.. is a cool character. She’s cool because she’s unusual for a female protagonist, and cool because she’s rational, and skeptical, and calm, and collected. She’s cool because she’s complex and layered. But she isn’t cool because she’s mean. It’s INTERESTING that she’s mean, and great material for a character, but it isn’t cool or admirable or good. And perhaps that’s just where Show and I disagree.
A pretty standard way that people grow, both in fiction and reality, is that their bad behavior gets them in trouble. They end up ruining something that’s important or hurting someone who matters. And so they grow, and change, and come out of their troubles a better person for it. That’s simplified, but I would say that’s a pretty standard redemption arc. Think of Snape from Harry Potter. His bad behavior gets someone he cares about KILLED, which leads him to completely abandon his allegiance to Voldemort. It’s not that Snape became an amazing, great person (he didn’t). But he became better for it.
Eun-Ju is no Snape. She isn’t out there plotting to kill all the mud-bloods. But she ISN’T NICE and that matters! She’s one of our protagonists, so we care about her, and I really expected the show to also care about her personal development. And I got REALLY EXCITED thinking that was gonna happen, because out of all of our characters, Eun-Ju gets hit the hardest in this story. Her husband turns out to be GAY and she finds out that her birth-father is not the father she grew up with. Girl goes through it! And also Girl has ZERO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT from it all sob sob sob.
I’m so disappointed! This girl was MADE for character development. You took the iciest, most arrogant, closed-off character, plunged her into problems, and then brought her out of it EXACTLY THE SAME? WHAT WAS SHOW THINKING!!!
I’m not sure where the show stands on Eun-Ju. Her behavior during the beautiful “Into the Memory” scene of Episode 1 is pretty obviously cruel, and it’s why Eun-Ju and Eun-Hee have a falling out that lasts for five whole years. However, when Eun-Hee finally decides that enough is enough and goes to find Eun-Ju, she apologizes to her sister for her behavior that day, but Eun-Ju DOESN’T. She doesn’t acknowledge that she did anything wrong. Eun-Hee goes on saying she hadn’t realized Eun-Ju had suffered a miscarriage at the time (implying, that’s why Eun-Ju had been so cruel) and Eun-Ju replies, “That had nothing to do with what I said.” Basically, she doubles down on her cruelty. And Eun-Hee just takes it. That was pretty hard to watch.
Looking back, I should’ve known then and there that the show had a very different perspective on Eun-Ju than I did. I see Eun-Ju as a person whose behavior is problematic and will hurt both herself and those around her for the rest of her life, and Show sees her personality as something that doesn’t need to change, it just requires getting used to. However, maybe Show agrees with my perspective after all, because Final Episode Post-Time Jump Eun-Ju is shown to be much more smiley and nice. (I don’t count post-time jump lobotomies as character development, though.)
It made me pretty upset when Eun-Hee reflects that although Eun-Ju has never once comforted her when she needed it, she always felt benefited by her words afterwards, as they were something she needed to hear. Sigh. This is just simply not true. I don’t think the writer has anyone in her life who is an Eun-Ju. The Eun-Ju’s in our lives punish us for being vulnerable. If you are vulnerable with this person, they weaponize it and hold it against you. You don’t walk away feeling benefited. You feel ashamed, embarrassed, and stupid, and you regret that you ever opened up to them. This is the effect that Eun-Ju’s have on people. It’s a communication style that isolates the people who most want to be close to you. And it’s a communication style that harms yourself as well, because we all need deep, meaningful, and trusting relationships (and punishing vulnerability is the exact way to destroy trust).
Those are my thoughts. I was really disappointed that they portrayed Eun-Ju’s personality as acceptable, and that they didn’t use the conflicts they introduced to humble or soften her in anyway. It felt like a really wasted opportunity to me. I didn’t hate Eun-Ju, at all! I just wanted her to learn gentleness.
The GOOD
WHEW! Anyone else ready to move on from all that ranting and raving? Believe it or not, there were a lot of things I liked!
Dad
This actor, Jeong Jin-Yeong, broke my heart. He went so believably from the hardened, jaded man in his fifties to the wide-eyed and innocent kid of 22. He is the sole reason why I was crying rivers for episodes at a time.
I won’t get into Episode 1 quite yet, but for what it’s worth, I think it’s a masterpiece. Anyway, Dad has a very special scene in Ep 1 that actually gets even more special with time. In this episode, later after Mom has already sat down the family and told them about her marriage graduation plans, Eun-Ju calls Dad during his regular dinner time (it seems she calls him regularly at 6 most days, which is very cute). Their conversation begins normally, but after Eun-Ju asks to see him, Dad asks perceptively, “Has your mother talked to you?” Eun-Ju confirms this, and Dad brusquely replies that Mom can do whatever she wants; he’s not fighting it. After they agree to meet up later, Eun-Ju goes to end the conversation but Dad says, “Wait, Eun-Ju?”
Dad: “Well, you know, you and Son-in-law Yun.. you two should spend your life being lovey-dovey and warm to each other. Don’t fret too much about having a baby, but right now, just enjoy your life, warmly and beautifully.”
Eun-Ju is characteristically emotionless in response, but she is touched by this. It is one of the more touching moments of the episode. It becomes an even more special moment as the series goes by, because this was pre-amnesiac Dad. This was before he came into his 22-year old self and fully began hating his behavior. This is proof he already had some remorse for how the years had gone by. It reveals he already knew what had gone wrong. It is a very sweet moment that reveals some of his thoughts about the marriage graduation, which are mostly unclear.
The Fruit
This is an example of the show at its best. One of the recurring flashbacks that appears time and time again in the show is a moment where Dad found fruit Mom had stored below the sink, and, in a fury, threw it on the floor. In various forms and from different moments of the memory, this scene is shown in multiple episodes. It holds so much emotional weight that the image of spilled fruit even made its way into the title sequence.
I think this fight was really beautifully written (and displayed). It could have easily been made into a small, minor thing. “So he threw some fruit on the floor? Whatever.” But it wasn’t small. It reminds me of this beautiful quote from the movie Beatriz at Dinner:
For some context, Dad one day (probably several years before the story begins) found a bag of fruit stashed away under the sink. He thought Mom must have been hiding it from him so that he wouldn’t be able to have any. In reality, she was putting it aside to bring to the nursing home, which she regularly visited. Furious, he threw the fruit onto the floor, shattered a glass cup he was drinking from, and punched the glass divider separating the living room from the kitchen, shattering the glass onto the floor. All in front of a very terrified, horrified Mom. Although Mom realized Dad had misunderstood her intentions, in her anger she told him he was right, she was hiding the fruit from him.
For Dad, this fight constantly intrudes into his mind like some kind of bad dream after he begins slowly regaining his memories. He sees visions of himself shattering the glass wall in the kitchen, and it takes a long time for him to accept that this is, indeed, an actual memory. For Mom, it’s the memory of this fight in particular that comes back to her every time she almost starts to waver and return post-amnesia Dad’s affections.
For Dad, the fruit represents two things. It first represented Mom’s rejection of him. You might think Dad is overreacting here (and he is), but just keep in mind that he’s not actually mad about fruit; he’s mad that Mom doesn’t want to share good things with him. He’s reacting to the way Mom feels about him. (Too bad shattering glass and throwing food doesn’t make your wife love you more, huh?) But after Dad loses his memories and slowly starts to recollect their marriage, the fruit instead represents how far he had devolved as a husband. For Mom, the fruit represents Dad’s aggression towards her. But it also reflects her own communication problems, as this was a fight she could have ended quickly (but she chose not to).
All in all, it probably lasted three minutes at most, but the emotional aftermath of it was felt for years. This was beautifully written. Near the end of the series, Mom is looking through Dad’s truck at his old things, and she finds his journal, which he frequently made brief entries into. After several pages of small entries, she finds one day with a single sentence written: “She hid the fruit.”
Eun-Ju and Tae-Hyeong
I really ended up liking the relationship between Eun-Ju and Gay Husband Tae-Hyeong (lol). This arc, of her discovering Tae-Hyeong’s infidelity (and sexuality) and struggling with the loss of her husband, produced Eun-Ju at her best. Tae-Hyeong is the only person in the entire show who she shows any vulnerability to, which I consider a testament to her love for him. It was tragic in a perfect way that she sincerely loved him, and it did a great deal to humanize her.
Also, very unexpectedly, Tae-Hyeong became one of my favorite characters. I think he’s right there underneath Dad. I say ‘unexpectedly’ because he is, 100%, a cheating husband. But, I think we can all agree that his case is a little different from your typical cheating spouse.
Tae-Hyeong definitely grew to love Eun-Ju in his own way, which made the divorce feel tragic for both of them (even though he wanted out). There was a sense of loss there for them both, not just Eun-Ju. It was also meaningful how he stuck around to help her with the fallout, even as Eun-Ju was pushing him away.
Also, the scene where Eun-Ju and Tae-Hyeong sit down to tell Mom they are divorcing was really good. And very sad. After Tae-Hyeong tells her they are going to divorce, Mom demands a reason from him. Eun-Ju chips in with a “We don’t love each other anymore, that’s all,” and Mom replies angrily, “Do you think I don’t know my own daughter? It’s obvious that you love him.” So Mom turns to Tae Hyeong and says, “You answer. Do you have another woman?”
Tae-Hyeong: “No, I don’t. I’m sorry.”
Mom: “If you’re sorry, tell me why.”
(Tae Hyeong takes a long pause, and looks over at Eun-Ju, who seems to be wordlessly, and desperately, trying to communicate that she doesn’t want him to reveal that he’s gay.)
Tae-Hyeong: “I hated my family, because I was uncomfortable with them, so I got married as though to run away from them. I misunderstood that Eun-Ju also chose to marry me for the same reason.”
Mom (looking at Eun-Ju): “You got married because.. you hated your family? Is that what you’re saying? Eun-Ju, is that it?” (Eun-Ju at this point is fighting back tears and really unable to speak.)
Tae-Hyeong: “Even now I have a very uneasy relationship with my family. But now I know that Eun-Ju loves and cherishes hers. I didn’t know Eun-Ju well at all. I thought we could live as friends. But I realized that Eun-Ju doesn’t need a friend; she needs someone who loves her. And I’m not qualified for that, never have been. Everything is my fault. I can’t make Eun-Ju even more unhappy, and I hope she can start anew. That’s why we’ve decided to break up.”
It’s a touching scene, incredibly acted, and gives us Eun-Ju at her most human. So many things I like about this scene! I like that Mom zeroes in on Tae-Hyeong in this conversation because, like she said, it’s obvious Eun-Ju loves him (and thus he is probably the one responsible for initiating the divorce). I like that, even without revealing his sexuality, Tae-Hyeong is telling the truth to Mom. None of this is a lie. And I love Eun-Ju’s reaction shots in this. She does almost no talking in the entire scene, but her face speaks volumes. How many other K-drama heroines would sit back, still as a statue, and “brave” the scene by expressing zero emotion? That’s not the case here and we’re all better for it.
Into the Memory
I call this scene “Into the Memory” because that is the name of the song that accompanies it in the OST. It is really beautiful, so I’ll link it here if anyone wants to give it a listen:
Episode 1 is very poignant and probably one of my favorite episodes of any show made in the world ever (seriously), but this scene in particular is the best of it.
Basically, through a guided meditation session, Eun-Hee reflects on the worst day of her life and walks us through the memory: 5 years earlier, on March 10th, 2016. This was the day that she found out her boyfriend of 9 years had been cheating on her, and the day she cut off contact with two important people in her life: her sister, and her best friend.
This scene is all good. The whole memory. But my favorite part of it is the beginning, when it focuses on her mother.
Eun-Hee wakes up early that morning, around 6 a.m., and her mother is already up and washing dishes. She talks briefly to her mom, who gives her short answers with a strained voice, without turning to look at her. Eun-Hee narrates that she knew her mom was crying, but she pretended not to notice. Changing the subject, Eun-Hee goes to see if Dad is still home, and then notes that Dad left his lunchbox again (specifically she asks, “Did Dad get angry and throw his lunchbox again?”).
By the time Eun-Hee is getting ready for work, Mom has recovered herself and talks to her, questioning her about her schedule for the day, and trying to get her to eat breakfast or drink juice. Eun-Hee is irritated by what she perceives as badgering, but Mom defends herself saying that she never has a chance to talk Eun-Hee anymore. Mom asks Eun-Hee some questions about Eun-Ju, to which she replies, “Are we in the Joseon era? Are you not able to contact your eldest married daughter? Stop asking me questions about Unni.” She hands the glass of juice back to her mother, untouched, and steps out the door to leave for work.
But as the door is closing, she looks back and is saddened to see Mom drinking the glass of juice she had rejected, herself.
She steps back inside and says suddenly, “Where is Dad’s lunchbox? I’ll eat it.” Surprised, Mom hurries off and retrieves it. Eun-Hee takes it and says, “This is a lunchbox he can’t get anywhere else! You spoil him, you know!” And she leaves for work.
As she leaves, Mom watches after her with a smile.
I feel I’ve done this scene a disservice by describing it in such detail, when everything that happens is so subtle that it almost robs you of the experience. You just have to watch it. I cry every time I see this scene. Why is it that we treat the people who care about us the most with such indifference? Why do we get so angry and feel so intruded on when our mothers want to know about our lives? Why is it so easy to take them for granted?..
Interestingly, I watched this episode for a second time later with my mom, and I don’t think she was nearly as touched by this scene as I was. But my mom didn’t have a mom like her. I can relate to having a loving, long-suffering mother who is not appreciated by her children; she can’t.
I think it was purely on the strength of this scene alone that I finished all 16 episodes, even when every other subplot had disappointed me.
Also, what beautiful directing. Kudos to Kwon Young Il who, along with writer Kim Eun Jung, crafted a scene that I’ll love forever. It was this scene that made me think, “I’m gonna like this show.”
So in conclusion…
Oh, DEAR. I can’t believe that I’ve written so much. It’s really hard to sum up my thoughts about this show since, honestly, I think I loved it for its potential. I also loved it for scenes like the one described above, but those became pretty rare after the first few episodes. But, it HAD it. This drama did what a drama is meant to do, and hooked me down to my soul. And then.. it didn’t.
I want to reiterate that My Unfamiliar Family didn’t go off the rails. It didn’t lose its way and crash and burn. It simply didn’t do what I wanted it to do. I wanted more gripping pacing with Mom and Dad, less meandering conversations between Chan-Hyuk and Eun-Hee, and a redemption arc for Eun-Ju. And perhaps some sounder reasoning for our characters decisions. It sounds small when I sum it up like that! But somehow, the lack of those things really detracted from my experience. I think, because Episode 1 had set my hopes so unbelievably high, my disappointment was much stronger than it would’ve normally been. I’ve done a lot of complaining about the writing in this review.. but only good writing could’ve gripped me so much in the first place!
Rating this… is a nightmare. Partially because I honestly can’t tell what’s objectively wrong with this drama and what I just personally didn’t like about it. A lot of my personal issues with it do stem, I believe, from a lack of storytelling technique. Which I consider objective criteria. I think Eun-Ju’s lack of arc is criminal. She just.. suffered. And maybe learned to trust Eun-Hee more. Did she become nicer to Eun-Hee? No. But at least she trusts her more, and that’s a good thing, right? Right?! Sigh.
My tentative rating is….. B-/C+. Objectively, the B-, but for me, C+. Mostly because it just has no re-watch value for me. At the same time, it has so many beautiful scenes that touched me, and I’m rating this a C+? Sob sob sob. I reserve the right to change my rating whenever I want to.
I almost want to say: Episodes 1-8= A+. Episodes 9-16= C-… but I don’t think I can do that.
Well. What did you think of My Unfamiliar Family?
B-/C+
Philosodrama 
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